When Grief Shows Up at a Networking Event
I failed miserably at a recent networking event.
I’ve played it over and over in my mind, trying to figure out what I could have said differently.
Here’s what happened…
I was at a conference standing in a small circle with four acquaintances. We chatted for a few minutes about the usual things. How is the weather where you live? Any vacations coming up soon? Then the conversation turned to families.
One gentleman said he had a baby on the way and his in-laws were living with him. As the flow of the conversation moved around the circle and came to me I mentioned that my oldest son is heading off to college soon.
Then the man to my right shared a story about a close family member ending with, “he passed away a few weeks ago.”
The air was sucked out of the room.
I think I managed to say, “I’m so sorry to hear that.” And then…nothing. I didn’t know what else to say and no one else did either.
We all stood there in stunned silence.
It felt like an eternity passed before someone in the group saw a friend across the room and said something like, “Do you know so-and-so? He’s a great guy, let me introduce you.” And the conversation moved in a different direction.
It didn’t feel right. To seemingly ignore the unbelievable weight of what this man shared and just move on. I was disappointed in myself.
The moment taught me something…
When someone takes off their “professional mask” and shares their grief, we need to meet them there as humans first, professionals second.
Here’s the framework I plan to try next time I’m in this situation:
Acknowledge it: “I’m so sorry to hear that.”
Ask a question based on the circumstance: “What was his name?” or “When did that happen?”
Outline a path for the conversation: “Would you like to talk about it, or should we change the subject?”
Then listen. Be present. Engage with the human being behind the professional mask they were trying to wear before the grief crashed in.
This isn’t just about a death. It’s about any kind of emotion from a medical diagnosis, divorce, career setbacks, or even losing a pet. Everyone is carrying something.
How do you handle moments like this?
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
